A gnome: Hunting flowers.
Courtesy ArletteLeaving no obvious physical evidence, a certain amount of irony, at least, is apparent in what might generously be called a new cryptozoological phenomenon: the South American Crab-walking Gnome, dubbed “the new Bigfoot” by local police.

The city of General Guemes, Argentina, has been swimming in “gnome” sightings lately. “Knee-high” in height, and wearing a pointy hat, a gnome--or gnomes--have been furtively roaming the streets of General Guemes at night, moving with a distinctive and unsettling sideways walk.

While many dismiss the gnome as simply a mischievous dwarf with a penchant for dress-up, a recent video captured on a cell phone of the gnome (or dwarf) sidling across a lamp lit street has hundreds of locals coming forward claiming that they have seen a gnome at least once in their lifetime. (“Dwarf” here referring to a person with a genetic or medical condition resulting in an adult height of less than 4’10”, as opposed to something out of Lord of the Rings. When dealing with gnomes, it’s best to be clear on this sort of thing.) In fact, a local poll has shown that 90 percent of the thirty thousand people living in General Guemes believe the gnome to be genuine, and public concern has reached such a level that the mayor has prompted a full scale police inquiry.

The mayor himself is skeptical, but states, "I do not think that it is completely impossible. Gnomes are part of our culture here.”

Police Commisionaire Jose Luis Nunez, however, charged with tracking down the creature’s “lair,” is a believer, claiming that he personally saw a gnome when he was a child.

So, what, in fact, are we dealing with here?

The simplest explanation is likely the correct one--that someone with something like growth hormone deficiency is stalking the streets and rail yards of Argentina for, you know, fun. There’s an obvious flaw here, however: where’d he get that pointy hat? Those aren’t exactly available at every corner store, especially in gnome sizes. Maybe the gnome made the hat himself, but do you know who are the best pointy hat makers? That’s right: gnomes.

Urban sightings of the tiny and mythological are not entirely without precedence. Remember this little St. Patrick’s Day miracle? The difference being, of course, that the mayor of Mobile (as far as I know) never launched a police inquiry, and the darn leprechaun got away.

I’m thinking that this may be a situation calling for international intervention, both for the betterment of science (a tiny new species!), as well as for the safety of General Guemes, where some citizens are now afraid to venture out at night. Massive financial aide should do the trick, so that every resident of Guemes might own at least one net gun.

Any ideas, buzzketeers, on how to gnab this gnome?

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