Stories tagged extraterrestrial life

Jun
02
2008

This man used to sit in dark, smoky rooms...protecting us: Now look at what you've done to him. He even had to sell his cyanide capsule.
This man used to sit in dark, smoky rooms...protecting us: Now look at what you've done to him. He even had to sell his cyanide capsule.Courtesy laurenatclemson
I’m sorry if this is the wrong forum, but I think it’s about time for some grassroots action, you know what I mean? If we, concerned Buzzers and Buzzketeers, don’t do something soon, we will have allowed a great injustice to be committed, a travesty right under our noses; a massive government conspiracy will crumble on our watch, dozens of jobs will be lost, and countless dangerous secrets will spill into the grubby hands of the unwashed masses. Yuck.

So let’s get our act together, and vote “no” on the Denver extraterrestrial affairs commission ballot initiative. Assuming we live in Denver (a quick check at the window has confirmed that I, in fact, do not live in Denver, so this one has to be up to you guys).

It seems that Denver local Jeff Peckman is hot on the heels of the government’s alien cover-up division, and he’s got a hot injection of video evidence ready for when he catches it.

Five years ago either Peckman or a friend of his (The article doesn’t make this totally clear) was concerned that he may have had a peeping Tom problem. Employing a unique new method for dealing with peeping Toms, Peckman (or, again, possibly his friend) set up a video camera on a tripod in his living room, and pointed it at the window with the night vision setting turned on. Sure enough, the camera caught a sneaky little peeper. However, the little perve turned out to be something other than a mask-free human—a large, smooth, alien looking head appears in the video, scanning the room and blinking.

As of the present time, Peckman has only released a single still frame from the video (which can be seen at the link above), but the irrefutable evidence of alien incursions into the privacy of an American home has prompted him to bring the issue to the highest levels of local government. Pending the collection of 4,000 signatures, Peckman hopes to bring a ballot initiative to the people of Denver, so that they might vote to create an extraterrestrial affairs commission.

The E.A.C. would be composed of 18 members appointed by the mayor, and tasked with defending the city, in the event that aliens, “or their vehicles,” were to arrive in Denver.

Formation of the E.A.C. would be a major blow to the government conspiracy that we have all come to rely upon. Shadowy bureaucrats would be turned out on the streets, and stripped of their abilities to protect a population that, frankly, maybe no longer deserves their tender concern.

A vote for “no” is a vote to keep us all in the blissful dark. Vote “no.”

Let your ballots do the talking.