Stories tagged funny

Jan
02
2012

A brisk walk in the fresh air: Sure it's cold and miserable but it's inexpensive and easy to do (once you get off the couch). It also has nothing on Ernest Shackleton.
A brisk walk in the fresh air: Sure it's cold and miserable but it's inexpensive and easy to do (once you get off the couch). It also has nothing on Ernest Shackleton.Courtesy Mark Ryan
Okay. It’s 2012! The beginning of a brand new year. A time for making resolutions, a time for change. That special new era that began with a magical tick past midnight on December 31st when you suddenly emerged from a decades-long thick-skinned cocoon of self-destructive behavior, and miraculously transformed into a brand new person of action, rebirth, and eventual six-pack abs.

Okay, maybe not suddenly, but let’s say 12 to 15 hours after midnight when you finally came out of the bacchanalian stupor you’d plunged yourself into the night before.

But the point is you can now become that perfect human being you (and mainly your mother) always suspected was hiding beneath that sweatpants ensemble. Imagine what you can do now when you replace your mantra of instant gratification with one of self-control. Nicotine’s mastery over your soul will dissipate like a smoke-ring in the breeze. Inappropriate outbursts at dinner parties will be a thing of the past as you’re transformed into the designated driver instead of driving the host’s porcelain bus. Oatmeal will substitute for Twinkies for breakfast, and broccoli will become your new BFF.

The possibilities for improvement seem limitless, don’t they? It just takes a little effort.

You know, with obesity plaguing the US, this would be a perfect time to let go of the game controller, drag your ample hinderbutt off the couch, and get some of that exercise you’ve been promising to do since 1988. It doesn’t mean you have to join a high-priced health club, or spend hours contorted into a pretzel at a local yoga class. The easiest thing to do is just head outside for a good old fashion walk, a nice long stroll in the bracing winter air. It’s not going to cost you a cent to do it (unless you live here in Minnesota and the legislature decides to tax it to help pay for a brand new stadium for the Vikings).

What’s that you say? You’d like to lose those extra 65 lbs but you just can’t seem to get motivated? What? You think it sounds like a nice idea but it’s only 25° above zero? Yes, yes, I know. Getting all bundled up in long underwear, winter coat, and boots to face the elements is a real drag.

Well, poooooooooooor you. WAH, WAH, WAH, WAH, WAH! You are unbelievable. What a sniveling crybaby! Is that all you can do is whine? You think it’s too cold? You crave motivation?! Well, here’s some motivation for you: Starting next weekend, have your mommy drive you to the Science Museum of Minnesota and buy you a ticket for the Omni Theater so you can watch the magnificent Shackleton’s Antarctic Adventure, one of five large format films that are part of the museum’s annual OmniFest 2012.

Shackleton’s Antarctic Adventure is an amazing - no! – an astounding story of man against nature. It details the struggles of the fearless and eternally optimistic Ernest Shackleton and his crew of 27 men who set sail on the ship Endurance headed for Antarctica. I don’t want to give away the story but let’s just say after you see what these courageous guys endured over a period of seventeen months, I guarantee you’ll feel deeply ashamed for driving to work in your heated car and living inside four walls.

OmniFest 2012 runs from January 6 – February 17, 2012 at the Science Museum of Minnesota’s Omni Theater, and features five big-screen films: Amazing Caves, Amazon, Wolves, Search for the Great Sharks, and of course Shackleton’s Antarctic Adventure. The films rotate throughout the day, so check the OmniFest 2012 website to make sure you have the correct times for the shows you want to see. Of course, if you were anything like Shackleton, you'd just show up after a 20 mile trek in the blinding snow and expect things to work out your way. Wimp!

Dec
01
2010

Should we be eating the eggs of parasites?: You be the judge!
Should we be eating the eggs of parasites?: You be the judge!Courtesy Meng Weng Wong
Oh, look: Here's an article about how eating parasitic worm eggs might alleviate the symptoms of chronic bowel disease. (In addition to that, however, it will also give you parasitic worms, so the whole worm egg treatment is kind of a double-edged sword at this point.)

I don't feel like summing up the article for y'all right now, so I'm just going to paste some excerpts for you to suss out:

"A man who swallowed worm eggs... restores mucus production in the colon... abdominal pain and bloody diarrhea... (parasitic worm)... self-treatment with the worm eggs... increase mucous production in the entire colon... the worms trigger a big sneeze of the gut... lucky... may exacerbate bowel inflammation.... a worm that infects pigs."

Pretty rich stuff, eh? You could just eat that with a spoon.

Alan Alda was in a great TV show called M*A*S*H, but now does lots informal science education.
Brian Green is one of the smartest people in the world and knows lots about string theory.

But Brian Greene, feel short in a bet between the two recently when Alan Alda could successfully explain string theory, but Greene couldn't hum the catchy theme song to the TV show (and movie), Suicide is Painless....yes, that's the name of the song.

So as penance, Green had to learn and hum the entire song in front of a big science conference audience. I love it when scientists are nerdy in a real people sort of way.

Oct
15
2008

NASA will attempt to revive the $2 billion Hubble Space Telescope on Wednesday, officials say. The telescope was idled two weeks ago by an equipment failure.

Octorber 14,2008

Oct
13
2008

I'm pretty sure its a myth... but why is it that you cannot kiss your elbow?

Enjoy. this is what would happen if the CERN experiment went all but right. ENJOY!!

Jun
11
2008

This is how trees grow on our planet: Also, on our planet, we hold cameras upside-down.
This is how trees grow on our planet: Also, on our planet, we hold cameras upside-down.Courtesy Jaboney
The natural order of things has been a little bonkers this last week. Things all over the world are ending up where they don’t belong.

Snake on baby. Snakes don’t belong on babies. If anything, babies belong inside snakes.

Bomb in chicken. What on earth is a bomb doing in a chicken? I doubt that the chicken put it there.

Nail in head. The doctor removed it with a claw hammer. Seriously.

What good is science in a world like this? Educated guesses cannot be made, nothing is repeatable.

Some bees: Each and every one of them thinking about doing unspeakable things to that dog.
Some bees: Each and every one of them thinking about doing unspeakable things to that dog.Courtesy Greencolander
Millions of surprised honeybees are loose on a California highway, after a truck carrying crates of them flipped over in traffic this afternoon.

According to an officer on the scene, "several beekeepers driving by the accident stopped to assist in the bee wrangling."

It's nice to hear that the world is still doing great.

Mar
08
2007

The US version of the comedy series, "The Office" featured a funny little nanotech reference on a recent episode.

The setup: The always ridiculous Dwight is trying to pick a health care plan and everyone is doing their best to sabotage their efforts with false medical claims....enter nanobots.

Nanotech is breaking its way into pop culture more and more every day. Its good to see someone lampooning the grey goo nano robots.

Want to make Einstein say whatever you like? Break the equation of the universe and make it look like his idea? Check out this great Dynamic Einstein picture robot.