24-digit child issues in bold new world

It won't be so bad!: A human child enjoys his new home.    (photo by sofubared on
It won't be so bad!: A human child enjoys his new home. (photo by sofubared on
Evolution has just taken a bold step forward. I hate to be the bearer of grim news, but, if, like me, you are a human being (and I expect that most of you are), I have this to say to you: we have been left behind.

That’s right, if you haven’t guessed it already, the inevitable has finally happened, and a New York woman has given birth to a healthy 12-fingered and 12-toed baby boy. The scientific press hasn’t said so directly yet, but I think I am safe in saying that the boy is expected to be a superb athlete (at least in ball-sports), a concert pianist, and some sort of crime fighter (I’m thinking “Spiderman Jr.”).

So there you have it. All that’s left now is for the rest of us to wait and wonder what we should do now that we are obsolete. If nothing comes to mind, governments across the world will be initiating the long-planned “Troglodyte Protocol,” a voluntary program to assist members of the species homo sapien to our rightful future home – deep below the surface of the earth, where we will cheerfully run factories and power plants for homo sapien superior.

Goodbye surface and sunlight. We know when we aren’t needed.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

Liza's picture
Liza says:

Ask anyone in exhibits: when I was expecting my first child, I was kind of hoping for a two-headed, tailed, flipper baby. I figured I'd love him/her anyway, and I could take him/her on the road with our canine companion, the world's stupidest dog. Alas. Phoebe arrived with only one head, no tail, and perfect limbs and digits. (She hates it when I tell this story: she's very glad to have only a single head, no tail, and normal arms, legs, hands, and feet.) And the world's stupidest dog, after a long and happy life, has gone on to the happy hunting grounds in the sky.

6 fingers on each extremity sounds pretty cool to me. Could be tough to learn how to use chopsticks, though...

posted on Fri, 08/31/2007 - 8:26am

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