Jul
07
2008

Aliens no longer love America

God save the queen: From abduction, probing, and public ridicule.
God save the queen: From abduction, probing, and public ridicule.Courtesy .kol tregaskes
That’s kind of a bummer, isn’t it? Right?

Aliens (space aliens) and America used to be like pizza and beer, adenine and thymine, Johnny and June; we were inseparable. We dissected them and hid their crash sites, and they mutilated our surplus cattle and probed our rural drunks.

And now they’ve crossed the pond to shack up with a foxier mistress with a more sophisticated accent: Lady Britannia.

Sure, there was that awesome sighting in Texas in January, but since then all aliens seem to care about is England. Apparently, it has been a crazy year for UFO sightings in Britain.

Dozens of reported UFO sightings across the country have got British extraterrestrial enthusiasts stammering, dropping their h’s, and constructing fresh tinfoil hats. Out of Cadbury egg wrappers. In their spare time, they’re working on theories for the increasing number of encounters, a favorite being aliens’ concern over global warming and what man is doing to the planet. I suppose the best way to warn humanity of the dangers of climate change is to zoom past small towns in the middle of the night, but I have a different theory—the aliens want to take over Earth, but it’s still too cold for them to comfortably inhabit the planet, so they’re idling their high-energy spacecrafts in our low atmosphere to release even more greenhouse gases. They’ve probably picked England because of the low number of firearms in the country—who needs to have the locals taking potshots at you all night?

Anyway, we’ve been dumped. Again.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

Atrueoriginall's picture

I've been waiting for someone to say just that. They have been busy really with something over there.

I also wish that governments would ban lanterns. That would tremendously cut down on some of the sightings, not to mention making us all look like idiots when we go to report them only to have them downplayed the very next day.

Oh well, one of these days a good wind is going to take a lantern or two and send them downward into a forest causing a nice forest fire and maybe destroy a house or 10. That would be some wedding present huh? lol Seriously, they do need to ban them.

Meanwhile, it's been nothing but dots and blurs anyway for quite sometime. We need a good ole fashion UFO sighting.

Soon, maybe, someday, oh we'll just keep dreaming. lol

posted on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 12:14pm
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

Lanterns?

I...suppose you're right.

posted on Tue, 07/08/2008 - 9:21am

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