Jun
26
2009

The Ark of the Covenant is about to be unveiled? Gosh. Remember not to look at it, okay?

Notice what they're all *not* looking at?
Notice what they're all *not* looking at?Courtesy Wikimedia Commons
If you’re into biblical archaeology, you might be interested to know that the patriarch of the Orthodox church of Ethiopia is claiming that they have the original Ark of the Covenant, and will be revealing it today.

If the man with the whip taught me anything, it’s that watching the ghostly things that come out of the Ark of the Covenant makes your face melt and your head explode. In fact, he taught me lots of stuff, like not to trust Austrian women, and that it’s okay to destroy archaeological sites if you do it in an awesome way, and that shooting people is easy and fun. But he also taught me about the face-melting thing.

I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t feel like having my face melt and my head explode, so I’m treating the supposed unveiling of the Ark of the Covenant with skepticism and caution.

Apparently the Ethiopian Orthodox Church keeps an ark replica in each of its churches. But I guess they have the real one too? And they plan to open a museum to display it. So that’s sort of interesting.

I wonder how the Ark has held up over the last 3000 years? It’s supposed to be made of acacia wood and gold, although images of the Ark depict it being carried by just two or four people. Considering how it’s also supposed to be full of broken stone tablets, I’m guessing it’s mostly made of wood to cut down on its weight (it was carried around a lot), and I think wood can get a little crumbly after a few millennia.

It’d be interesting to do some archaeological analysis on the box. I have the feeling, though, that the church wouldn’t be very enthusiastic about lots of radiocarbon dating being done on the Ark, genuine or otherwise. I guess to true test of veracity will be whether or not it electrocutes and melts everyone coming to see it.

PS—The only story I could find for this was on WorldNetDaily, which I'm not convinced is all that great a source. So take it with a grain of salt. I just thought it was interesting. (Face-melting, you know?)

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

UPDATE:
Psych! Guess who's not going to see the Ark of the Covenant. Pretty much everybody. Or everybody.

Looks like there was a little bit of a miscommunication with regards to unveiling the Ark. An official from the Ethiopian Orthodox Church corrected the rumor on Friday, saying, "No, the ark is not going to be revealed. Nobody could touch it. If you do so, God will smite you."

Seriouslyz? That sounds like a challenge to me! (Even if it does match up pretty well with what happened in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.)

So that's it. No ark for you. Keep digging, everyone.

posted on Mon, 06/29/2009 - 10:57am
curious's picture
curious says:

but someone or thing must be looking at and caring for the ark if it really exists, just to make sure it's in relatively good shape, conservation and preservation and all that sugar. hmm.... this smells like dirt to me...?

posted on Mon, 06/29/2009 - 5:37pm

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