Bigfoot vs. Werewolf: Who will win the war of the monsters?

The titans close on each other: Look at how much bigger they are than that house! But how do we know that's a werewolf and not just a normal giant wolf?
The titans close on each other: Look at how much bigger they are than that house! But how do we know that's a werewolf and not just a normal giant wolf?Courtesy JGordon
JK. The war has already been fought, Bigfoot totally won, you missed it, and remarkably little blood was spilled. Go figure.

A professor of the history of science at Kean University in New Jersey is arguing that Bigfoot, in fact, killed the werewolf. Not for really real, but in the collective mind of our society. However, Bigfoot had a secret weapon: Charles Darwin. (I’m assuming it was a silver-tipped Charles Darwin, at least.)

See, everybody has to be afraid of something, pretty much. And for a long time we were all, “I have to be afraid of something, huh? Well… I’m already sort of afraid of wolves, so why don’t we throw in this unnatural wolf/man mix thingy. I’ll be afraid of that.” And because we were too dumb to know about stuff like flesh eating disease and giant crocodiles and cancer, we were pretty satisfied being afraid of werewolves.

But then, says New Jersey science historian Brian Regal, then along comes ol’ Charles Darwin (and his silver tongue?), and begins to popularize evolution with On the Origin of Species. People start thinking, “Hey… wolf-man? Why did I ever think that was scary? That’s old, magicky nonsense. No, what makes sense is an ape-man. I’ll be afraid of that now.”

Science gave the supernatural a little boost of legitimacy, in a roundabout way. And at the cost of poor, dear wolf-man.

Or so says Brian Regal. Take it for what it’s worth; he’s an assistant professor, after all. I don’t trust assistant anythings. Especially not dental assistants. Regal will be presenting his theory to the British Society for the History of Science in Leicester, UK in July. He’s going to show how period artwork also reflects this werewolf to Bigfoot transition, which sounds pretty neat. So if you can make it to Leicester and into the British Society for the History of Science sometime in the next month, maybe you should check it out.

A brutal win!: Look—the wolf has pants. Case closed. Oh, right... this drawing isn't appropriate for more delicate viewers.
A brutal win!: Look—the wolf has pants. Case closed. Oh, right... this drawing isn't appropriate for more delicate viewers.Courtesy JGordon
I’m more than a little disappointed in the lack of an epic, bloody monster-on-monster battle here, though. So I’ll be drawing one for y’all just now, on the back of some paper I pulled out of my trash.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

Brian Regal's picture

I'm glad somebody out there finally 'got' this and took it in the spirit it was intended. This is officially now my favorite reaction to my little silly idea.

posted on Tue, 06/23/2009 - 7:15am
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:


posted on Tue, 06/23/2009 - 8:23am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

this would never happen according to legion.
for many reasons.
1.they were not that big.
2. the werewolf would of ben alot stronger than bigfoot.
3.he would of ben faster.
4. and even in human forms he had supernatural qualities.
so the werewolf would of won easily.

posted on Sat, 06/27/2009 - 10:43pm
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

You... might have missed the point.

But, since we're here, I think I'm going to have to ask you for some references on these figures. Do you have average height/weight stats for werewolves? I looked, but I was unable to find reliable strength and speed measurements for werewolves. Where can I get those?

I'll need corresponding figures for the Bigfoot as well.

The thing is, you say that the werewolf would have won easily, but we can both see the above illustration, in which the final outcome is all too clear. You have some convincing to do.

posted on Mon, 06/29/2009 - 9:13am
anna's picture
anna says:

i think warewoves will win win the the war of the monsters

posted on Mon, 06/29/2009 - 10:37am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

werewolves can only be killed by silver

posted on Sat, 07/25/2009 - 9:09am
Cooper's picture
Cooper says:

I dont know, i think werewolves can die form stuff besides silver!

posted on Thu, 06/17/2010 - 5:52pm
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

Sadness, for one. Also heart-worm and canine distemper.

posted on Fri, 06/25/2010 - 2:32pm
Saberwulf's picture
Saberwulf says:

The werewolf hands down on a full moon because of the supernatural bloodlust, strength, hunger of the werewolf. If there is no full moon, the werewolf is screwed. You know up shxt creek w/o a paddle.

Bigfoot is just a hairy ape, cousin of humans, but now if he gets the upperhand about 27 days out of the month and including day lights hours on before the full moon.

Check out "Dissertation" from "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk

posted on Wed, 09/22/2010 - 1:33am
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

Sabrewulf! I'm so glad you were able to take time from the Killer instinct tournament to participate in this discussion. But shouldn't you be focusing on your strategy? Ultratech will never cure your lycanthropy if you don't win! (I suggest liberal use of No Mercy moves, so that you might "psych out" your future opponents.)

Best of luck to you, Count!

posted on Wed, 09/22/2010 - 8:50am
captain strange 's picture
captain strange says:

If it's a one on one random encounter between a werewolf and bigfoot, I'm choosing a sasquatch to win in 6 out of 10 fights. Wins that would come from a werewolf wld be from a bite to bigfoot's neck. The wins from bigfoot would mostly be grappling the werewolf once it get's a hold of it and kills the monster by squeezing it's rib cage with it's massive arms or by throwing it like a ragdoll against the ground or a tree. If it was a gang fight between the 2 groups, i'll go with the werewolves b/c it's animal counter part works as a team. I can see the scrappy werewolves using it's speed and agility, biting limbs off of the sasquatchs' bodies. I don't know. That's my opinion.

posted on Sun, 09/30/2012 - 3:01pm

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