Re-Entering the Dating Scene
Now that you know you have genital herpes, you're out of the dating game, right? Absolutely not. There's no reason to stop looking for love and fun.

Genital herpes doesn't detract from your many desirable qualities, which have drawn people to you in the past and will continue to make you a great catch.

Broaching the Topic of Genital Herpes
The first date after your diagnosis may seem a little strange, however. If you hope to be sexually intimate with your date at some point, you may feel like you're keeping a nasty secret. If you are one to be candid with people, you'll want to blurt it out. Don't. There are some things you should reveal about yourself right away -- for example, that you're married, or that you're just in town for the week -- but some things are better left for the appropriate moment.

It's up to you to decide the right time to tell your date that you have genital herpes. Follow two rules: First, don't wait until after having sex. Second, don't wait until you're just about to have sex -- in which case the attraction may be too strong for either of you to think rationally and act responsibly.

If in the past you tended to start a new relationship with sex, you now might want to change your approach. It might be better to break the news about your herpes to someone who has already grown attached to you. Kissing, cuddling, and fondling are safe, so you don't have to tell before you do that. But use your best judgment as to how physically intimate you want to get before telling. One thing could lead to another, and you might find yourself in an awkward situation.

Dealing With Rejection
Anyone who dates should be prepared for rejection. The person you're seeing may beat a hasty retreat when he or she finds out about your genital herpes. If you get the "I just want to be friends" talk after telling your sweetheart you have herpes, consider this: He or she may have already been looking for a way out, and herpes was as good an excuse as any. What's more, anyone who disdains you or humiliates you for having herpes was never worth your while.

Keep dating, and you will find someone who wants to be with you regardless of your herpes status. There are certainly some who wouldn't mind keeping the intimacy level just short of doing things that could transmit the virus. And of those people, it's likely that at least one will come around, and say, "Hey, I understand there's a risk, but I'm crazy about you, so I'm willing to take it."

Depending on your dating style, you might look for another person who knows he or she has herpes, if only to avoid having to discuss it. If you already use dating services or personal ads, you can also use any of those specifically for people with genital herpes. A search on the Internet for "herpes dating" will turn up several.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

flinch619's picture
flinch619 says:

im SO glad i got a girlfriend before i went to college. STDs scare the bajesus outta me

BOOYAKASHA!

posted on Thu, 03/27/2008 - 9:57am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

hey how udoinnn........i got genital herrpes how do i get rid of it

posted on Sun, 03/30/2008 - 12:18pm
Tiffy's picture
Tiffy says:

well little fella i really feel for you... or do i? hmm now i'm wondering if i actually do.. but either way you should proballly get checked out.. just a helpful hint.. you know..

posted on Sun, 03/30/2008 - 6:53pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

you cannot rid of herpes becuase it does have a cure or treatment as of now. even allthe medications available in the market only sslow down the spread of herpes.

posted on Sun, 03/30/2008 - 4:55pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

you cant get rid of it. your stuck with it forever........

posted on Sun, 03/30/2008 - 7:37pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

I found some interesting information about Herpes Zoster here. Check it out!

posted on Wed, 04/02/2008 - 3:43pm
Liza's picture
Liza says:

Sure. I'll bet lots of people don't know that chickenpox and shingles are herpes viruses. The Epstein-Barr virus, which causes mono, is also in the herpesvirus family.

But genital herpes--the kind the story above is about--is Herpes simplex, not Herpes zoster.

And there are two kinds of Herpes simplex: HSV1 causes mostly cold sores or fever blisters in the mouth or on the face, while HSV2 causes mostly genital herpes, although HSV1 and HSV2 can both occur in either the genital or the oral area.

posted on Wed, 04/02/2008 - 4:05pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

My sister has Genital herpes and it dosnt make any less of a women in fact she is very strong and has a great fiancee and is soon gonna have ababy

posted on Thu, 04/03/2008 - 2:06pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

Herpes is not so bad! I dated someone for a year that gave it too me, he knew but didn't tell me (could have been totally preventable). It was horrible when I found out but my family and friends are very supportive. To be honest with you my x-boyfriend knows about it and would take me back in a heart beat herpes and all because he cares about me. I'm not sure if he's the right one and will wait with sex until I"m sure but he gives me hope and has made this whole thing easier knowing that he accepts me for who I am.

This disease sucks and it's hard to deal with especially if you didn't deserve it (you know what I mean) but [stuff] happens and it's not the end of the world and there is a lot to live for. People need to stop judging people and be open. Not everyone that gets a disease was asking for it, a [person of loose morals], not nice, etc.

posted on Fri, 04/18/2008 - 11:35pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

I have HSV-1. I didn't deserve it either. I got it from having oral sex. My boyfriend didn't know he had a fever blister in his mouth, and certainly didn't know this would happen. I have only had one outbreak in 3 years, so I think I'm pretty lucky in that respect. I think that the general population needs to be more aware about it and that you can get it without having intercourse. Anyway, I'm pretty scared that if we ever do break up (you never know what's going to happen), I will have a hard time dating someone else because people are very judgemental. They don't accept things they don't know much about and people are pretty quick to write off others because of a flaw. Anyway, we will see what happens. It's not the end of the world like I thought it was in the beginning.

posted on Mon, 04/21/2008 - 2:59pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

It seems like this is the talk of the town lately. Everyone says everyone has herpes and theres pictures of genital herpes freakin everywhere. Just keep it in your pants people. Maybe we should oh i don't know wait until were married before we do the naughty.

posted on Sun, 05/04/2008 - 11:47pm
Beautiful Ukraine Women's picture
Beautiful Ukraine Women says:

Can this herpes virus pass from person to person so easily?

posted on Thu, 05/15/2008 - 10:06am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

How do you handle when your now spouse tells you she has Gential Herpies after having 2 kids...

posted on Thu, 06/19/2008 - 10:47am

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