Oct
21
2008

Buy bite-guards for your thighs: the South American crab-walking gnome is back

Which is the real gnome?: I'm not sure, but I'll tell you how to find out: hit each one with an aluminum baseball bat. Or drop them in an above ground pool. Or both.
Which is the real gnome?: I'm not sure, but I'll tell you how to find out: hit each one with an aluminum baseball bat. Or drop them in an above ground pool. Or both.Courtesy B Tal
Do you guys remember the South American crab-walking gnome? Of course you do. I posted about it this spring, after all. But a refresher may be in order—the Argentinean city of General Guemes was in some sort of panic earlier this year, because a shadowy, knee-high creature had been seen sidling around the town late at night. It may or may not have worn a pointy hat. Some local teens even caught the little creeper on video one night (much screaming was heard, but very few fine details could be made out on the crab-walker). While General Gueme’s citizens weren’t certain exactly what was stalking their streets, they knew one thing: they didn’t like it.

And now it’s back (on video, again). See for yourself.

This footage leaves me with two questions, neither of which are directly related to gnomes. Question 1: Is this even appropriate for a science blog? Isn’t this kind of pushing it?

The answer, to both parts of question one, is “yes.” Of course it’s appropriate, because I said so. And it is indeed pushing things. But, if we didn’t push the boundaries of what we think is ridiculous now and again, think of all the stuff we’d miss. Crab walking gnomes would be out of the question altogether.

And question 2: Why are Argentinean, trouble-making, teenage boys spending their nights waltzing with each other in the middle of the streets? Shouldn’t they be stealing things somewhere? Or practicing their vandalism? If they had to do some street waltzing, you wouldn’t think they’d want it on tape. This is the most questionable part of the video, as far as I’m concerned.

So what do y’all think? Hijinks and shenanigans? Scary little gnome-sidler? And, if none of the above, what manner of person or creature is this? Must we turn the conversation to dwarfism? Or does anybody have a more creative suggestion?

Now, in my last gnome-related post, I received some flak for my suggestion to use net-guns on the gnome. With that in mind, I am now revising my gnome-defense suggestions: cover General Guemes in glue traps. Then, when the craw-walker is captured, it will be easy to verify whether we’re dealing with a true gnome, or a run of the mill little person in a pointy hat. In the latter case, the person should be congratulated on their craftiness, and sent on their way. If it does turn out to be a gnome, however, or possibly a large crab in a pointy hat, then I say that citizens should have free reign with their, net guns, tazers, non-lethal deterrent sprays, etc. Whatever you can find around the house, really. The gnome, of course, won’t be going anywhere.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

A MATCH KEEL KIWI's picture
A MATCH KEEL KIWI says:

Snopes reported about the first video last year...
said it was fake...
do we have another fake, or do we have a debate...

posted on Thu, 10/23/2008 - 8:01am
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

They did indeed.

They're argument for its fakeness seems to be mostly "because it looks fake," which is a little underwhelming. (Although that would explain the teenage boys dancing in the streets.) Maybe those boys just have a pet gnome.

No, I maintain that the only true way to test for veracity here is to heavily arm the population of General Guemes, and wait for them to produce (or not produce) a gnome corpse.

posted on Thu, 10/23/2008 - 9:24am

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