Math eliminates all the negativity

No more negativity: Take a good look, this is the last you'll ever see of negative numbers.
No more negativity: Take a good look, this is the last you'll ever see of negative numbers.Courtesy SMM
In a sudden change of direction, international math scholars have announced today a whole new concept for numerals with a value below zero.

“We literally are taking the negativity out of math,” explained Gordon von Himpter, president of the International Alliance for Math Education. “It’s not secret that many people don’t like math. Through our evaluation and focus group testing, we’ve found out that negative numbers are big contributors to this negative image of math.”

So beginning today, numerals with a value less than zero will be lose their little minus sign and be referred to in a new way. Click here to see the full results of the study.

“When you count backwards, it will sound like this now,” said von Himpter, “Un one, un two, un three and so forth. The prefix ‘un’ will take the place of the old minus sign.”

The same applies to the actual numerals. New denotation for those numbers will look like this: u1, u2, u3, etc.

“We’re not phasing this in. We think a quick, clean change is the best way to try to rebuild math’s reputation,” continued von Himpter. “And we’re expecting that people will be quick to embrace this exciting change.”

The move has already been embraced in the world of meteorology.

“The most common complaints we get are in the dead of winter when the temperatures go so far below zero,” said National Weather Service spokeswoman Leslie Noting. “Now, when we say the temperature is un10 degrees, we’re pretty sure people won’t feel it’s so cold.”

Click here to get your free outdoor thermometer with the new “un” notation.

The only field that seems to be resisting this mathematical change is the world of banking.

“When our customers’ accounts go below zero, we want them to feel it is truly a negative experience,” said Henry T. Potter IV, CEO of the United Group of Banking Top Honchos. “And banks are such traditional outfits. We just don’t change.”

And Potters reminded anyone reading this report who has not clicked on the links to remember the date that this blog post is being made: April 1, 2015.

“Yes, we bankers can pull April Fools Day pranks, too,” he said.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

Fun April Fools' article.

posted on Wed, 04/01/2015 - 8:43pm

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