Mutant squirrels overrunning Britain

Do you see what it's eating?: Fingers.
Do you see what it's eating?: Fingers.Courtesy lavendarlady
There’s big trouble in Little America (that’s what all the cool kids are calling England these days, that or “Olde America”).

It seems that Cambridge, Little America, is being invaded by black squirrels.

“Why is this a big deal?” you ask. I’ll tell you why. First of all, you have to keep in mind that most large, dangerous animals were hunted to extinction in England hundreds of years ago. So, while we North Americans are used to bears, wolves, mountain lions and cheetahs wandering our streets, it has been centuries since most Brits have had to deal with anything more dangerous that, say, a bunny. Squirrels, while often smaller than bunnies, can be slightly more dangerous—if necessary, a bunny can usually be avoided by going up stairs, or standing on a chair, but this won’t work for squirrels. The squirrel is, after all, nature’s monkey.

But it’s not the presence of squirrels alone that’s dangerous here. Cambridge had squirrels before, but these new squirrels are mutants. Mutant, melanistic, black-furred gray squirrels, and they are slowly but surely running the old-fashioned gray squirrels out of town.

Melanism, simply, is a genetic variation that causes skin, fur, or feathers to be consistently dark. It’s sort of the opposite of albinism. Black panthers, for instance, are just melanistic leopards or jaguars. Melanism is usually fairly uncommon in animals—if a species has evolved its fur or feathers to be camouflage within its natural environment, a melanistic individual might end up sticking out like a sore thumb and getting eaten before it can pass on its genes. This sort of selective pressure is probably less significant for your average city squirrel, and having black fur may not necessarily be detrimental, and other traits could determine a species’ success.

Red squirrels used to be common in Olde America, for instance, until the introduction of larger, more aggressive gray squirrel. Now red squirrels are largely extinct in Britain, except for certain small pockets in Scotland, forced out by the brutal gray squirrel armies. Oh, wait, something perfect just happened.

Right, so now the same thing is happening to the gray squirrels. There’s some evidence that in large cats melanism offers a certain amount of protection from viral infection, so it could be that the new melanistic squirrel population receives similar genetic benefits. It has also been suggested, though not yet proven, that the melanistic squirrels are more aggressive than their gray cousins due to higher testosterone levels.

Also, I just dug this link up the other day, but it seems appropriate here too. In Russia a couple years ago, there was a report of a pack of black squirrels killing and eating a big stray dog. A choice quote:

"They literally gutted the dog," local journalist Anastasia Trubitsina told Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper. "When they saw the men, they scattered in different directions, taking pieces of their kill away with them."

In short, it may be that Little America’s days are now numbered. Consider canceling vacation plans, or at least packing squirrel repellent.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

Jefflemus00's picture
Jefflemus00 says:

Fist mutant ninja turtles? Now this? What next? :)

posted on Tue, 04/29/2008 - 2:53pm
twila_08's picture
twila_08 says:

This would scare me because i am very scared of squirrels. i think that they are really nasty and I would move if that was me.

Twila Turnage

posted on Wed, 04/30/2008 - 9:08am
Candice_318's picture
Candice_318 says:

I knew they were mutants

Sponsered in part by
IM AWESOME Productions

posted on Thu, 05/01/2008 - 7:47am
hmoob_muas's picture
hmoob_muas says:

this is a very big squirrel, not like the one in Minnesota,
where i see little one all the time....

posted on Thu, 05/01/2008 - 9:05am
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

Yeah, it's difficult to determine scale from that picture... but that squirrel is about knee-high. Crotch high when it's rearing up (a very dangerous position).

posted on Fri, 05/02/2008 - 8:51am
nelson.robin's picture
nelson.robin says:

wow man i already dont like squirrels because they ugly and they look like they would bite you if you get real close but to find out there are mutant squirrels takeover man thats scarey..... i seen a all white squirrel with red eyes now that scared me....

posted on Thu, 05/15/2008 - 9:11am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

Albinos rock!

posted on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 7:56pm
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

Gene sent this one my way—

It turns out that the scourge of oddly colored (or should I say "coloured"?) squirrels has not yet left Britain. If anything, it has gotten worse.

the locals of Stubbington, England, are being terrorized by a bright purple squirrel.

Well, maybe not "being terrorized by" so much as "seeing around town." Still it's an odd thing. Squirrel-color experts doubt that the bizarre hue is the product of genetic variation (like the albino and melanistic rodents mentioned above), however. They think it's more likely that the squirrel got into some dye, or chewed open some printer toner, and accidentally groomed some unusual pigment into its fur.

posted on Fri, 01/02/2009 - 10:14am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

I was in Mendota Heights, Minnesota and saw a black squirrel. In my 55 years I have never seen one. I did not know they exitsted. Now I do. Awesome. One is never too old to see new things. And subsequently to learn about them.

posted on Sun, 05/03/2009 - 8:26am
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

I saw a black squirrel in Minnesota, Mendota Heights area. I did not know they existed. Awesome!!!

posted on Sun, 05/03/2009 - 8:30am

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