May
20
2008

People drink too much on their 21st. Wow.

Focus, kiddo: By about number 18, it can be difficult for mouth and glass to match up, but what are you? A quitter? A little kid?
Focus, kiddo: By about number 18, it can be difficult for mouth and glass to match up, but what are you? A quitter? A little kid?Courtesy ian boyd
You know, I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time I get a PhD. I can’t see a downside to it: I could hang the certificate in my kitchen, maybe look into a professorship, and—until I get knighted—Doctor Gordon has a nice ring to it.

I was concerned for some time that there might be too much work and original thought required (I don’t enjoy either), but certain evidence makes me think that that might not be a huge factor.

Anyway, maybe I’ll sleep on it.

In other news, it turns out that boys and girls drink too much on their 21st birthdays.

Whoa! I screwed that up! What I meant to say was: Buckle up, Buzzketeers, because we now know that young people binge drink immediately after binge drinking becomes a legal option!

How could we possibly know this? Because if we know one thing about drunks, it’s that they are quiet and they keep to themselves. So how do we know? No, you’re wrong. We know because researchers at the University of Missouri figured it out. They cracked the code! Feel free to read this multiple times at your own pace, but the findings basically break down as follows: 1) Many college students drink to excess on their 21st birthdays; and 2) This can potentially jeopardize their health.

“This study provides the first empirical evidence that 21st birthday drinking is a pervasive custom in which binge drinking is the norm,” says the study’s lead author, a PhD holder. “This is my chair,” she continued. “I can sit on it, as can other people, assuming I am not already occupying it. Over here is the refrigerator, which keeps food cold. As you can see, many perishable items can be stored within the “fridge” for an extended period of time—hey, why didn’t the little light come on? Oh, I see, the little light bulb is burned out.”

Of the students surveyed, 34 percent of men and 24 percent of women reported consuming 21 alcoholic beverages or more on their 21st birthdays. The maximum number of drinks for women was 30, and 50 for men—awfully impressive, in a 21-year-old alcoholic kind of way. I don’t think I could drink 50 shots of water. But, were I drinking dozens of shots of water, I could probably be relied upon to count them accurately. And I would, because that’s something I would brag about.

Dude, I drank so much last night. Like, I need a new filter for my water pitcher. I was peeing for, like, hours.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

Thor's picture
Thor says:

I believe there was a bill considered at the Minnesota State Legislature this year that would have shifted the legal drinking age to 8 p.m. of your birthday, but it did not pass out of of committee (so to speak). The thinking was that 21-year-old binge drinkers go to a bar at 12 midnight of their legal birthday and then try to cram in their 21 drinks into the two hours before the bars close at 2 a.m. Seems to me, whatever time you start the clock running at, 21-year-old binge drinkers will start guzzling.

posted on Tue, 05/20/2008 - 12:24pm
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

Yeah, who says the Power Hour has to be at night?

posted on Tue, 05/20/2008 - 1:04pm
andyshadexx's picture
andyshadexx says:

I don't really like drinking at all, but drink for the first time or so is ok i guess

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 10:11am
BLB's picture
BLB says:

I dont think the time really matters, some celebrate their birthdays even if it already past like 3 days ago.... they'll drink......

Yadadamean!!!

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 10:13am
nelson.robin's picture
nelson.robin says:

THATS TRUE THEY BE GETTIN LIT ON THERE 21ST BIRTHDAY THERE 16TH BIRTHDAY AND SO ON LOL... PEOPLE START DRINKING AT A YOUNG AGE

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 10:17am
shanee's picture
shanee says:

That picture is hilarious! but umm yeah americans drink to much ..ask around.

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 10:19am
Candice_318's picture
Candice_318 says:

"Straight shots and then pop bottles!" But naw i heard ppl take 21 shots on they 21st bday?

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 10:20am
tiffany_88's picture
tiffany_88 says:

I think the alcohol is danger to the body because increase more the probability to obtain diseases to along of your life.

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 10:23am
twila_08's picture
twila_08 says:

I think this is true. We hear about people getting caught driving drunk or even killing someone in an accident.

Twila Turnage

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 10:25am
Samantha.je's picture
Samantha.je says:

Well I know that most people have no clue that one night of drinking can effect you for your whole life....

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 11:51am
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

Like ending it?
Seriously, don't drink like that, because, you know, you'll die of blood alcohol poisoning. If you have to die on your 21st, at least let it happen being shot out of a cannon, or fighting alien invaders.

posted on Thu, 05/22/2008 - 12:06pm

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