Sep
03
2007

Try sucking goats without your head! Heck yeah!

Don't worry, little fella: You'll probably be killed by a person, not a chupacabra. But I shouldn't say for sure.  (photo by ImageLink on flickr.com)
Don't worry, little fella: You'll probably be killed by a person, not a chupacabra. But I shouldn't say for sure. (photo by ImageLink on flickr.com)
The chupacabra… the chupacabra… where to begin? The obvious answer is “the beginning,” but that would take so much time, and it’s already 2:00 AM (the chupacabra hour, as some call it).

I would like to assume that most of you are already well versed in the lore of the Chupacabra, although even considering the slim chance that there may be a few of you out there who are as of yet unfamiliar with the American goat-sucker gives me the willies, so I will at least provide a brief summary of the legendary cryptid.

The chupacabrafirst surfaced (anecdotally, at least) in 1987. Ah, 1987… the Twins win the World Series of Baseball, Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke is reelected for a third term, and Puerto Rico is plagued by a spate of animal mutilations. Domesticated animals across the island were found drained of blood through a series of small circular incisions on their bodies. The initial suspicion of satanic cults gave way to the theory of the “chupacabra” (or, literally, “goat-sucker”) an unconfirmed animal that would rise in infamy near to the level of some of our favorite cryptids, like Nessie, or Bigfoot.
Bob Hawke, Prime Minister: You seriously don't remember Prime Minster Bob "el Chupacabra" Hawke? (photo courtesy of Wikipedia Commons)

While originally confined to Latin America, sightings of the chupacabra have spread well into North America, and as far as Russia. Descriptions range from a green and scaly kangaroo-like creature to an animal with wings and a forked tongue. However, most reported sightings share the context of animal mutilations of some kind, especially the whole blood drinking thing. Recently, North American sightings (often with photographs) show something like… well, like a really sick and weird looking dog. Several similar looking creatures have been found dead by roads or trapped and killed, but their physical remains have generally been disposed of before they could be studied. Just this summer, though, a Texan woman has claimed to have kept the head of a supposed chupacabra in her freezer, with the hope that DNA testing might reveal the animal’s true identity.

Over the past couple years, Phylis Canion of Cuero, Texas, has found as nearly thirty of her chickens killed in her yard. The birds were not eaten or carried off, however, instead they were drained of their blood and left where they died. The perpetrator of these fowl deeds has remained a mystery, until this July when Ms. Canion and her neighbors found the bodies of three strange 40-pound, nearly hairless creatures outside of her ranch. Phylis has been a life-long hunter, but insists that she has never come across an animal like these. She believes that they may have been the cause behind her exsanguiated chickens, and, what’s more, could be specimens of the famed chupacabra. While the bodies were disposed of, Canion had the unique presence of mind to keep the head of one in her freezer, with the intention of mounting it, and having a DNA test done.

So, is this the infamous chupacabra? Some experts say that it, and other specimens like it, are much more likely to be a new type of mutt, seriously infected with mange, or some mutated species of canid. The condition of the prey, if these creatures are truly responsible for the mutilations, might be explained by a bizarre preference for blood; that the animals lap up drained blood instead of eating their prey outright.

As a devoted worshipper of the great god Science, as well as a secret acolyte of the church of cryptozoology, I must consider the facts at hand:
1. A Texan found a weird animal on her ranch,
2. The animal was dead.
3. The Texan kept the animal’s head in her freezer.
4. The Texan claims to have had a bunch of chickens drained of blood.
5. The animal in question looks super weird, but so does a lot of stuff.
6. A real chupacabra would be cool, as long as it stayed away from me

I’m not sure that this evidence is a lot to go on just yet, but it’s a start. Hopefully some zoologists will ignore how much they like boring stuff for just a little while, and take a look at this weird frozen animal head. Until then, I strongly recommend that each of you spend several hours googling “chupacabra.” Know thy enemy, and everything.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

kelby rogers's picture
kelby rogers says:

hey im doing a research paper on the chupacabra i was woundering if you could share so of you knowledge with me be much apreciated you can e-mail me at [email protected]

thank you kelby rogers

posted on Wed, 10/31/2007 - 12:14pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

tsk fake is only a hairless dog, the peruvian dog. most common in latin countries. pls dont fake us

posted on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 8:33pm

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