A very inconvenient crisis: Global warming is causing global gravity loss

A matter of immense gravity: After receiving his Nobel Peace Prize this past December, Al Gore has turned his attention to raising awareness about the global gravity loss problem.
A matter of immense gravity: After receiving his Nobel Peace Prize this past December, Al Gore has turned his attention to raising awareness about the global gravity loss problem.Courtesy Kjetil Bjørnsrud
I think this got lost in all the hoopla about the NCAA basketball tournament, but Al Gore was on 60 Minutes last Sunday to unveil his latest crusade, one that could be more devastating to life on Earth than the global climate change crisis he’s been raising awareness of in recent years.

The former vice president used the highly-rated TV show to be the inaugural event of his effort to raise public awareness of the growing gravity crisis on the planet. Three independent studies conducted in the U.S., Great Britain and South Africa have confirmed a strange but deep side effect to global warming. Increased temperatures on Earth are diminishing its gravitational fields. Projections foresee that at the current pace, Earth could have 25 percent less gravity in the next 10 years.

Click here for the full report.

The new studies confirm that increases in carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere are causing chemical reaction with heavy metals in the top layer of Earth’s crust that are shielding gravity’s pull from deeper in Earth’s core. And the real scary fact is that these chemical reactions are progressing at a geometric rate. While they’re still negligible today, each year they increase by a factor of 10.

If the current pace continues over the next 50 years, researchers calculate that gravity will become extinct, just like many forms of animal and plant life of the past. Along with his continued efforts to reduce the growing carbon dioxide emissions that are contributing to global warming, Gore is offering some other gravity loss solutions.

“If everyone digs five or six 12-foot deep holes in their backyard, we might be able to create easier paths for gravity to get back to Earth’s surface and counteract the impacts of these devastating chemical reactions,” he said.

Click here to learn other things you can do to stop global gravity loss.

“Stop and really think about the gravity of this situation for a second,” Gore implored viewers on 60 Minutes. “Even with just 25 percent less gravity on our planet, our everyday lifestyles will be hugely impacted. We predict that all small animals under 10 pounds will be drifting through the air with little control. Mothers will have to tie down their infants in their cribs at night to keep them from floating around the house.”

Other significant problems that could arise if global gravity loss is not reversed, Gore added. They include prolonged autumns due to a slower release of leaves from trees, decreased income for the sky-diving and bungee-jumping businesses and a rapid increase in world records for sporting events involving jumping, leaping or throwing.

Current Vice President Dick Cheney, contacted by 60 Minutes for the administration’s reaction to global gravity loss, was much more optimistic. “Right off the top of my head, I can see a couple upsides to gravity loss,” Cheney said. “First off, less gravity will make everything weigh less. That should take care of the U.S. obesity problem. Second, this should be welcome news for the ailing airline industry, as it will be able to save a lot of money on fuel costs as planes will be able to take off a lot easier.”

Commenting at the end of the 60 Minutes episode, columnist Andy Rooney was all laughs on the topic. “Don’t you just hate it when you’ve made it this far through a blog entry and haven’t realized it is an April Fool’s Day trick?” he asked. “But here are some great links about the history of April Fool’s Day, 100 of the greatest April Fool’s pranks ever pulled off and some of the worst ever conceived.”

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

this is going to be awesome!!! i don't care if mice start flying around and stuff ill be able to dunk like jordan and jordan will be able to dunk like superman.
cant wait

posted on Tue, 04/01/2008 - 11:37am
Lynn's picture
Lynn says:

You totally had me until about halfway through - I had to check the time stamp. Excellent job!

posted on Tue, 04/01/2008 - 3:00pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

Global warming is also causing uncontrollable speed up of continental drift.

As we all know from brilliant Al Gore’s documentary melting polar ice caps and glaciers will cause ocean levels to rise 20 feet or more. Water covers three quarters of Earth’s surface and one of its many functions is to act like a lubricant for the movement of continental plates. Look at our sister planet, Venus. It is very hot and dry inside Venus, and Venus has no plate tectonics. All the water boiled off, and without water, there are no plates. The system is locked up, like a rusty Tin Man with no oil.

posted on Tue, 04/01/2008 - 3:06pm
Bhuvan Chand's picture

Nice blog about global warming. I have also a blog on effects of global warming.

posted on Wed, 04/02/2008 - 8:59am
tiffany_88's picture
tiffany_88 says:

Now we need to think what is suposte to do to cambate the global warming, the consequences with this trouble can be caused are cathastropic.

posted on Mon, 04/07/2008 - 10:53am
stormywriting's picture
stormywriting says:

HA! Almost had me on this one :D

posted on Tue, 04/08/2008 - 1:47pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

Even though this is a joke article, actually, gravity will increase as temperature goes up. This is no joke but a real effect of general relativity.

posted on Thu, 10/27/2011 - 3:11pm

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