Way to go, Nature, you’re totally gross

No, this isn't it: I just thought this picture was pretty awesome.
No, this isn't it: I just thought this picture was pretty awesome.Courtesy Lori Oberhofer, National Parks Service
See, I always thought I wanted to die from being suffocated by cotton candy, or maybe from a Super Mario Brothers-triggered seizure. Well, Fate, cross that nonsense off the list, because something more than a little bit better came up: I want to die from having a little songbird rip its way out of my chest.

The decision isn’t final, by any means—there are still some details to work out before I really make a commitment. Do I, for instance, want to eat the little bird first (swallow it whole and alive, of course), or would it be better to have a mother bird lay its eggs in my chest, and have the young burst out later (think Alien)? Whatever the specifics, though, I think it’s a pretty good way to go.

Where do you get these genius ideas, JGordon? Well, I can’t take total credit for the death—the basic concept was really Nature’s, and I just built on it. That’s right, somehow, of all the things happening in the world, I found out about a sharp-shinned hawk in California that was found dead last month with the claws of a songbird emerging from its chest. What are the chances? I don’t mean the chances of a hawk eating a songbird, and then of the eaten bird’s clawed foot ripping through the hawk’s body, but the chances that of all the dead birds in the world, this one would find its way onto the Internet, and then to me. It’s fate.

There’s not much of a story to tell, really. An animal rescue worker was driving home and noticed the hawk lying by the road. Hoping to rescue the bird, she pulled over and carefully picked it up. Unfortunately, it had the remains of its last meal, probably a sparrow, spilling out of its chest. Yuckers! And there’s no cure for that! Sharp-shinned hawks usually don’t eat the heads or feet of their avian prey, probably for just this reason, but this sparrow was apparently just too delicious.

Anyhoo, here are the pictures: Here and here.

While you’re at it, look at this too.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

mdr's picture
mdr says:

Your last link to the photo and video of the python-gator death match was REALLY gross. I was confused though. In the video interview the biologist said the pythons that now populate the Everglades were opportunistic but really wanted nothing to do with people, implying that it was safe for us humans to tromp around the Everglades without fear of becoming snake food. Oh, sure, hungry 8-foot gators are still out there ready to eat us for roughage but what else is new? (If you happen to have a Swiss Army knife on hand, you could always use the songbird trick to escape from that pesky ordeal). Anyway, please explain why the pythons don't like us.

posted on Mon, 04/28/2008 - 8:47am
Jefflemus00's picture
Jefflemus00 says:

Ah yes.fate it was...lol

posted on Tue, 04/29/2008 - 2:45pm
twila_08's picture
twila_08 says:

I think this is really nasty i wouldn't want niether of this to happen to me.

Twila Turnage

posted on Wed, 04/30/2008 - 9:05am
andyshadexx's picture
andyshadexx says:

hmm i think it kinda depress (I think about away to die already)

posted on Thu, 05/01/2008 - 9:13am
tiffany_88's picture
tiffany_88 says:

I don't think is good idea because that not is way to die.

posted on Fri, 05/02/2008 - 8:38am
JGordon's picture
JGordon says:

Hey! I'm not saying this is for everybody, just for me. You can all die however you want--this is America! Try a boating accident, if that's your thing, or maybe cardiac arrest. Vampire bats could be involved it your fantasy passing; that's totally fine. You aren't obligated to die by songbird, but I'll ask you not to judge it either.

posted on Fri, 05/02/2008 - 8:56am
Andy Korman's picture
Andy Korman says:

that would be a painful way to die but i think that i would like to die with an alien popping out my chest like in the movie Aliens with Sigourney Weaver

posted on Fri, 05/02/2008 - 10:58am

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