Stories tagged McDonald's

Jun
04
2010

Roooaaaarrrr!!!: I have the poison in me!
Roooaaaarrrr!!!: I have the poison in me!Courtesy http://www.flickr.com/photos/kuroha/638778686/
Like all ogres, Shrek is a greedy and covetous beast. He has millions of fine, fine goblets, but should you attempt to drink from any one of them, you risk becoming the target of one of his powerful cancer spells.

“But, Shrek,” you say. “You have so many wonderful cups, brought to us by McDonalds and Shrek 4 Eva. Why can’t I drink from just one of them?”

“Because,” Shrek would surely reply, “they’re all mine. All of them! That’s why I put cadmium in them. Ogres are immune to cadmium, but it is a carcinogen in humans.”

“A carcinogen? In your cups?” you ask.

“Yes, a carcinogen. With long term exposure, carcinogens can increase your chances of developing cancer!” says Shrek.

“Cancer?” you say.

“Yes. Cancer,” says Shrek.

And it’s not only Shrek’s goblets that are cursed; drinking from the cups of Princess Fiona will soften your bones, and sipping from the vessels of Puss in Boots will cast the hex of severe kidney damage upon you. And you should never drink out of something called “Donkey,” no matter what it’s made of.

Fortunately, all of the cups are being recalled to Ronald McDonaldland, to become a part of Ronald’s personal collection. Because clowns feed on poison.