Stories tagged UFOs

Jul
07
2008

God save the queen: From abduction, probing, and public ridicule.
God save the queen: From abduction, probing, and public ridicule.Courtesy .kol tregaskes
That’s kind of a bummer, isn’t it? Right?

Aliens (space aliens) and America used to be like pizza and beer, adenine and thymine, Johnny and June; we were inseparable. We dissected them and hid their crash sites, and they mutilated our surplus cattle and probed our rural drunks.

And now they’ve crossed the pond to shack up with a foxier mistress with a more sophisticated accent: Lady Britannia.

Sure, there was that awesome sighting in Texas in January, but since then all aliens seem to care about is England. Apparently, it has been a crazy year for UFO sightings in Britain.

Dozens of reported UFO sightings across the country have got British extraterrestrial enthusiasts stammering, dropping their h’s, and constructing fresh tinfoil hats. Out of Cadbury egg wrappers. In their spare time, they’re working on theories for the increasing number of encounters, a favorite being aliens’ concern over global warming and what man is doing to the planet. I suppose the best way to warn humanity of the dangers of climate change is to zoom past small towns in the middle of the night, but I have a different theory—the aliens want to take over Earth, but it’s still too cold for them to comfortably inhabit the planet, so they’re idling their high-energy spacecrafts in our low atmosphere to release even more greenhouse gases. They’ve probably picked England because of the low number of firearms in the country—who needs to have the locals taking potshots at you all night?

Anyway, we’ve been dumped. Again.

The first flying saucer was sighted 61 years ago today, inspiring a wave of bad science fiction (is there any other kind?) which continues unabated to this day. Supposedly, the craft, piloted by Bigfoot and Nessie, crashed 11 days earlier in Nevada, which is the kind of thing that happens when you mess around with the space-time continuum. Of course, there continue to be skeptics.

We come in peace!: Parts of this "actual photo" come from NASA.
We come in peace!: Parts of this "actual photo" come from NASA.Courtesy Mark Ryan
Wow...this news item surprises me on a couple fronts. I didn't know the Vatican had an astronomer and he says it's okay to believe in aliens and UFOs if you'd like.

They say things are always bigger in Texas, which must include the large numbers of people reporting seeing UFOs over the Texas skies recently. Go ahead, you have my permission to create your own joke.